Do you ever feel bad after scrolling through social media? We know deep down that most people’s lives aren’t as put together as their social media makes them seem. And that’s a good 21st-century reminder of how you can’t judge a book by its cover.

The same goes for the Veterans you know. No matter how things seem on the outside, you never know what’s going on behind the scenes… especially this time of year when people are pressured to appear happy and festive.

How do you dig deeper and find out how a Veteran you know is really doing? Here are some ideas.

Check in with a Veteran who seems to have it all together

We all know people who seem to have no problems. Great job? Check. Fit and healthy? Check. Amazing vacations abroad? Check.

But don’t let yourself be fooled. No one’s life is perfect and everyone goes through tough times. If you know a Veteran like this, make sure they know about the Veterans Crisis Line.

Because no one can predict a crisis, every Veteran should have the Veterans Crisis Line contact information saved in their phone in case crisis strikes: Dial 988 then Press 1, chat at VeteransCrisisLine.net/Chat or text 838255.

Check in with a Veteran who never asks for help

Veterans were trained to rely on themselves. They’re used to giving help, not asking for it. That’s why it can be hard to know what to do if you think a Veteran you care about is going through a crisis.

VA S.A.V.E. Training can help by teaching you the important steps involved in suicide prevention. If you want to support a Veteran in your life who may be experiencing suicidal thoughts, take this free online training.

Check in with a Veteran showing signs of crisis

Some signs of crisis are more obvious. Someone talking about death, dying or suicide, or someone with self-destructive behavior such as drug abuse or risky use of weapons. But some signs are more subtle, like losing interest in hobbies, work or school, neglecting personal welfare and appearance, or withdrawing from family and friends. Learn to recognize the warning signs of crisis so you can support a Veteran going through a difficult time.

Check in with a Veteran who might not have family around or who is alone

If you know a Veteran who doesn’t live around friends or family or who seems lonely, check in with them. Simply sending a text or giving them a call can make a big difference in their life.

When you connect, if it seems like they need support, you can share VA’s Resource Locator tool. This online guide to clinical resources can find VA’s closest suicide prevention coordinators, crisis centers, medical centers, outpatient clinics, Vet Centers and benefits offices.

Check in with a Veteran who has been quiet lately

It can be hard to know if a Veteran is going through a tough time. One clue is someone acting different than normal. For example, if a Veteran you know is usually talkative and social but has been quiet lately, it’s time to check in.

The idea of starting a conversation can be intimidating. Our Crisis Conversation Handout can help you find the words.

Check in with a Veteran who lost someone to suicide

Suicide doesn’t just affect the person who died. It affects everyone who knew that person. People coping with suicide loss can experience intense and distressing thoughts and emotions, such as denial, anger, sadness and loneliness. Suicide loss survivors are also at heightened risk for suicide themselves.

If you know a Veteran who lost someone to suicide, make sure you offer them your support. Here are some things to know to help them get through this time of sorrow and loss.

Look beyond the surface

Remember that just because someone seems okay on the outside, they could be dealing with a challenge that could put them at risk for suicide. Simply by asking how they’re really doing and being ready with resources could save their life.